In the End
by Almiaranger
Summary: A always seemed to be perfect. She's ranked number one in the house, has a great best friend who she maybe has a bit of a crush on, and is quite beautiful. Though can she handle the pressure of becoming the next L? An angsty BBxA fic.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: Okay peoples, I've always had this theory that A is actually a girl, not a boy. I don't know why; I just see him as more of a girl when I think of his character. I've never read the BB murder book, so no one can say I'm wrong about thinking A is a girl until someone hands me a copy of that supposedly awesome book. 'Kay? Kay. :)

This is set in Wammy's House, when both A and Beyond Birthday (who _is_ mentally stable at this point in time) were around thirteen and students at the orphanage. Enjoy!

Summary: She had always been a cheerful, talented girl; insistently confident, yet only at the right time. Caring and gentle, yet assertive and to the point- A had always been on top of her grades too, which baffles me to no end. She never turned in her school work late, studied constantly, yet always had time her hands to do whatever her heart desired. The girl was undoubtedly perfect, and in the end, that itself is what drove A to her bloody demise.

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><p>Pale white knuckles rapped gently on the surface of an Oakwood door. The pale man who had stood in front of A's dorm room shuffled his bare feet impatiently, waiting for a response from the room's inside. After a few moments, a muffled feminine voice whispered through the wooden barrier, "Just a second, 'Kay?"<p>

An irritated grumble escaped the ruby-eyed fellow. In attempt to make the time of waiting go faster, he sifted a hand through his inky black locks. Only moment later, a solid thunk sounded as a chestnut haired girl unlocked the door between them. Her face seemed pale and her runny nose was cherry red. The girl's eyes were rimmed scarlet as Beyond frowned at the person before him.

He spoke, "A, you look terrible. Your allergies are worse than ever this spring."

The young girl nodded and gazed at her sock clad feet as she said in an unwell voice, "Pretty sure it isn't allergies this time, actually. I think I have the cold or some virus," she looked up at her lanky companion, "Beyond, would you mind taking some notes for me in the classes we share? I don't think I'm up for school today."

BB's eyes widened in surprise at the short girl's words. A always went to class, no matter what condition she was in. Said teenager even tried attending class one time when she had the Chicken Pox. As soon as A's teacher saw her red speckled skin, she was sent right to the nurse's office. Beyond frowned at the girl, yet agreed with her decision to stay in bed. He'd rather let her rest and heal than force herself to exert energy she didn't have. A small smile graced B's lips as he told A, "Of course I will. It's what you've always done for me, right?"

A barely visible smile formed on the petite girl's cracked lips as she whispered to the boy, "Yeah." A moved towards the handle of door in attempt to shut it, but her male friend stopped it with his foot.

His frown had deepened, worry visible on his features, "Promise me you'll get better soon, A. Don't push yourself, okay?" The girl gave a slight nod, but diverted her eyes from his gaze. She closed the barrier between them as quickly as possible. The girl couldn't put up with her best friend's words of concern any longer. A tiny, curled hand reached up to reddened eyes to bat away flowing tears.

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><p><strong>Beyond Birthday's POV<strong>

I clobbered down the narrow staircase, a few textbooks and binders in hand. A mass of jumbled thoughts ran through my head.

'_Something's wrong with A_. _She hasn't been her usual happy self lately_._'_ I shook my head, trying to dismiss all tentative thoughts. It's time for class. At the pace my classes move, there's no time to get lost in one's mind. My vision is directed to the tiled floor. I watched as sets of shoe-clad feet rushed down the halls. First period, English Class (which is A's favorite, by the way) is at the end of this short hallway. I rounded the corner and found myself face to face with the door to English. I made my way to the back right corner of the classroom, where my old metal desk sat. The desk beside mine won't be occupied today.

I sat down in the sleek chair attached to my working space, and put my head on the top of the desk, releasing a large breath. Getting through the day without A would be tough.

Ms. Brunner stood in front of our classroom, and began taking roll. She announced the very first name on her list, but her voice was answered only by silence.

"A? Are you here?" The curly-haired woman asked. I decided to speak up in her place.

I started rather awkwardly, "Umm, A said she's not feeling well. She won't be attending class today." A worried face adorned Ms. Brunner's features. Honestly, I didn't really blame my teacher. She knew just as well I did that A wasn't one to back down to something like a stomach ache.

The woman questioned, "Has she seen the school nurse?" I shook my head to answer her question. She pressed further, "Are you _sure_ she's all right?"

I shifted my position wearily and looked down at my desk. Tentatively, I responded, ". . .I'm really not sure." After saying this, I only felt worse about what A could've been doing, alone, right now.

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><p><strong>A's POV<strong>

I'm in the bathroom attached to my room right now, curled up on the cold tiled floor. Salty liquid is dripping from my eyes continuously, and at this point, I could honestly care less. It feels as if time has stopped just so I can cry away my forever lingering worries. What will happen when L dies? What if I'm not as good a detective as L is? What will the other students think of me when I become the next L and _they don't_? The list went on and on.

The pressure of responsibility was literally killing me. Everyone expected so much from me. They all wanted me to do my best, but what if that isn't enough? A wracked sob escaped my throat.

'_Look at yourself!'_ my conscience said to me, _'You're ridiculous! The simple _thought_ of succeeding L makes you shiver. You're so pathetic!'_

I nodded and whispered, "I know I'm pathetic. . .but what if I don't want to become L?" Sniffling, I reach to the roll of toilet paper beside me and rip off a few squares, blowing my already irritated nose.

_'What if you don't want to become L? There's no reason to even be in this orphanage if you have no desire become L!'_ The pace of salty water running down my cheeks began to pick up, _'I can't believe you skipped class for something this stupid!'_ I slammed both hands over my ears, trying my hardest to block out the voice of judgment in my mind, I thought to myself, _'If I try hard enough, I know it will go away. It always does eventually. . .'_

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><p><strong>Beyond's POV<strong>

After around four hours of note taking and swapping classes, it was time for lunch. All students here at Wammy's House are supposed to eat in the cafeteria, but a lot of us don't follow that rule. Sometimes I just liked to pick up my tray of food and eat in my room. Other times I went to A's room and chomped on a snack there. I'm not too sure what I'm going to do today. It depends on if A shows up in the cafeteria. I might just eat alone, or maybe I'll visit her. I'm not sure what to do and I'm so bored. . .

I stumbled into the cafeteria and saw only a few people inside at the moment. Well, I guess that should be expected since lunch only started two minutes ago. I saw only three students in cafeteria, all of them boys. The trio of young children seemed to be around the same age. One of them had long yellow-blond hair; the boy to the right of him being a red head with shiny goggles over his eyes. Next to him sat a tiny boy with snow white skin and matching hair. The blonde and the red head seemed to be arguing about something. I walked over to the food counter, where a cafeteria worker handed me a disposable Styrofoam tray with a ham sandwich, a bottle of water, and a small salad on it. Is it just me, or do they feed us like we're all on a diet?

Being that no one else is here yet, I walked over to the small table where the trio of children sat. The ginger and blond still seemed to be caught in a heated debate.

As I drew closer, I could see that the boy with sunshine-colored hair also had blue eyes. Those features fit him well. He turned to his red-headed friend and moaned, "You're so lazy, Matt! All you ever do is play video games!" The smaller boy simply shrugged, continuing to mash the buttons on his Gameboy.

After a few moments, he looked up from the blue device and said calmly to the scowling blond, "And all you ever do is eat chocolate." At that point, the larger boy was fuming.

Now only a foot from the table, I asked, "Umm, I'm not sure if this is a good time, but have you seen A?" The fair-haired boy shot him a scowl.

He turned his attention from the boy beside him to me, "Wait, you mean that person who's name is number one on the house list?" That comment brought a small smile to my lips. Yes, my A is and always has been number one when it comes to grades.

"Yeah, that's the one. Have you seen her?" Both boys shook their heads simultaneously.

As I turned to leave, the blue eyed boy asked me, "Wait, you look familiar! What's your name?" I raised my eyebrow at the boy. I seemed to be getting that a lot lately, though I never know why.

"Beyond; Beyond Birthday," I told him. His eyes nearly doubled in size.

"Hey, you're number two in the house! I can't believe you're ranked higher than me!" The boy pouted and crossed his arms. I just shrugged at him.

I decided to be polite and ask his name, "And you name is?"

He grinned widely and said, "I'm Mello! That won't be my name for long though, 'cause I'm gonna be the next L!" He pointed to the boy playing video games, "That's Matt, and sheep boy's name is Near. I'm number four, Near's three, and Matt's fifth. My number right now doesn't matter though, 'cause I'm gonna beat everyone here! I promise!" I smirked at the boy's triumphant attitude. There's not much of a chance that he'll beat me or A, but it's cute to see kids like him confident in chasing after their dreams.

I smile and tell the boy that calls himself Mello, though I know that's not his real name, "You have fun doing that, kid." I smile in his direction. I can tell the boy's throwing a hissy fit over me calling him "kid" even though my eyes aren't even on him.

Without looking back, I walked back up to the lunch counter. I'm getting the feeling that A's not coming down to eat any time soon, so I'll just pick up some food for her. I looked at the lunch lady and asked, "Can I get another tray of food? My friend's sick and can't come down here to eat." With an irritated grunt and a disturbing glare I often call "the hairy eyeball", the greasy lunch lady handed me another tray with the same food contents on it as my own. I swam through the large crowd of students filing into the cafeteria and stopped for a moment in the hall.

_'I hope A's okay, I haven't checked on her this morning,' _I think to myself, biting my bottom lip,_ 'Maybe I should have stayed with her. You know, just to make sure she's resting.'_ I shook my head immediately at the thought of that. There's a lot going on with school right now, certainly too much to be skipping class just for the hell of it.

_'That's enough thinking. It's time to go see A.'_ With that thought, I started down the hallway to find the small girl's room.

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><p><strong>AN**: Okay, so that's the first chapter. It was probably a bit boring, but some drama will start building up in the next chapter. I plan on making this fic three chapters long with fairly quick updates, so stay tuned. :)

I hope BB was in character. I know he's supposed to be a psychotic murder, but this is BEFORE he snapped and started killing people. In fact, my version of why he became a psychopath will be featured in this fic (probably in the last chapter).

Review please! Even just one word of praise or criticism is appreciated! :D


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Hello everyone! Here's the second chapter of my third Death Note fic. This is the first multi-chaptered one, so hurray for me. This'll probably only have one more chapter, and it most likely will come within the next week, so check back soon.

Song of the Chapter: One-X, by Three Days Grace

I don't really have much to say for once (I must be getting sick or something :/), so let the chappie roll!

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><p><strong>BB's POV<strong>

When I approached my best friend's door, it was tightly shut yet not locked. Since both of my hands happened to be full, I resorted to knocking on the door with my elbows and yelling to get her attention.

"A, can you open up the door? I brought you lunch." The only response I got was a seemingly stifled whimper. It sounded sort of like she was crying. . .Wait, why would she be crying?

"Are you okay?" I said in a softer voice. Her response came in a near whisper.

"S-sort of. . ." A's answer made my already present frown deepen. If she wasn't going to give me a straight answer, then I would just go in.

"I'm coming in." After my warning, I grabbed the rusting handle and walked in, only to find that she wasn't anywhere in sight. After setting the two trays on a table near her bed I asked, "Where are you?"

Her muffled voice squeaked from behind the bathroom door, "I'm not hungry, so please go away." Okay, this was only getting weirder. First she won't give me a direct answer, now she's in her bathroom, and she doesn't sound too well. When I say she doesn't sound well, I don't mean in a physically sick sense. Could she be sad for some reason?

Growing even more suspicious, I asked her, "A, what are you doing in there?"

A's response came a bit too soon, "N-nothing!" and that was what drove me to the edge. This girl is going to let me in _now_. I reached forward and grabbed the golden paint-chipped door knob and began to turn it. Not even a second later, I heard a startled shriek from the inside, and A slammed her hand on the door's knob from the other side, preventing me from opening the passage.

"I told you to leave!" The girl said it with more force than before, but it was still far from a shout. She sounded quite nervous, even afraid of whatever was going on.

"I'll only leave if you tell me what's going on here!" I shouted, my voice beginning to sound more angry than curious of what she was doing. After I yelled, I could hear a scared whimper from behind the wooden barrier. Sometimes I wish that these cherry red eyes of mine could see more than just the names of others. If I had x-ray vision, that'd be perfect about now. . .

The force on the other side of the door handle began to loosen. Either she was getting tired, or was giving up. That aside, it meant I could tear down this wall between us at the moment. I finally was able to reach her.

After pulling open the door, I saw a distressed A standing right in front of me. She wore a black hooded sweatshirt with sleeves so long they barely revealed her fingertips. On her legs were grey sweatpants. Her appearance, however, wasn't what caught my eye. In the pristine white sink lay a blue razor, surrounded by blotches of cherry red liquid. I turned to A with wide eyes.

She started, "I. . ." but didn't bother to finish her excuse. Her eyes darted around the bathroom nervously

I tried to keep my voice calm and quiet, but it came out a bit hoarse, "Where did you cut yourself?"

A bit her lip, and whispered softly, "M-my arm." She slightly moved her left arm to indicate which arm she meant. Without giving any notice, I softly grabbed her left arm and pulled up the black sleeve. On her pale skin were straight strawberry gashes, each not too far from the one it was next to. It was plainly obvious that she had done this to herself on purpose.

Trying to suppress all anger in my voice, I whispered to A, "Sit down on the toilet while I grab the first aid kit." Thank the heavens that every room had a personal first aid kit stored beneath the sink in the cupboard. I pull out the white container, and grabbed few bandages as well as some cotton balls and disinfecting wipes.

Before cleaning her wounds, I asked her, "Why did you do this to yourself?"

Tears continued to slip out from her eyes as she answered, "It's the pressure of being perfect. I j-just can't take it!" A looked me as she whimpered in sadness.

Her words continued to puzzle me, "The pressure of what? What kind of pressure has driven you to something like _this_?" Anger was beginning to seep into my words.

"It's the pressure of being L's primary successor! I don't think that I want to be L anymore. . ." This girl beyond the realm of genius doesn't want to take over L's job? That's all that has been troubling her? Surely there must be something Roger or Watari can do if A doesn't want to be L.

"A, you probably don't have to become L if you don't want to. You could always tell Roger or Watari, and I'm sure they wouldn't force you." I tried to sound reassuring, but I wasn't too sure if that sort of thing was allowed. For the top candidate for L to not even want to take over his job . . . that was something certainly out of the ordinary.

The fragile girl shook her head slowly, "No way. I'm not going to burden them by making them pick another candidate. If I'm first in line, then I'm best suited for the job. I can't just refuse succeeding L like that." I sighed and gripped a disinfectant wipe in my hand.

I told A, "There's no need to get so worked up about it right now. You most likely still have years ahead of you before you have to take over L's job. For now, let's just focus on getting your wounds fixed up." She nodded slowly, and held out her arm a bit farther so I could clean it.

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><p><strong>A's POV<strong>

Beyond ripped on the tab for the wipe, and pulled it out. In a low voice, he said, "This might sting a little, but definitely not as much as. . .what you did to yourself." I lowered my head, letting soft brown bangs cover my watery eyes in shame. BB must've been so upset with what I'd done.

I didn't expect the cold sting of the wipe, since I wasn't looking. I didn't even shrink away in pain. After what I'd done with my razor, it was nothing in comparison. The burning sensation even comforted me a bit. My best friend dragged the tiny white cloth further down my arm, earning him a shiver on my part. After he was finished with the wipes, he wrapped white bandages around the injured area of my arm

Hesitantly, I asked him, "Are y-you going to tell Roger?" He scowled deeply, and turned his head away from me. _'No, please don't turn away from me, Beyond. I want to see you beautiful face. . .' _I thought to myself.

He said in a near whisper, "I don't know. You obviously need help with this little . . . problem, but I don't think the best solution for you is to be shipped off to a mental hospital and permanently kicked out of the running for L's job." I winced a bit at his statement. Regardless of what I thought to myself, I knew deep down that my best friend was completely right. It's not like Roger felt any deep connection with us, so why wouldn't he do something like that to me?

I gripped his hands within my own and begged him, "_Please_ don't tell Roger! I'll do anything!" The jet-haired boy's face burned bright red, probably from my method of physical contact. I didn't really care at the moment; I just didn't want to get shipped off to an insane asylum.

He sighed and said, "Fine, I won't tell Roger. But I have one condition you must uphold."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He better not be making too steep of a condition, "And you condition would be. . ."

"Give me your razor." I gaped at him. He was taking away my razor? How was I supposed to shave?

I complained, "How am I supposed to shave, then?"

The red eyed maniac frowned and said, "I'll let you shave _under my supervision_, but that's it." I guess that isn't bad a condition; I mean the boy had just discovered my cutting habit. I'm surprised he hasn't completely freaked out on me.

I nod and tell him, "Fine."

The boy bit his lip and then said, "I have one more question. Can you please answer me honestly?" I nod, and he continues, "Are you suicidal?"

And all I could do was gulp, and tell him the complete and utter truth. . .

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><p><strong>AN**: Ugh, I feel like this chapter was too short, yet I'm glad I made it a cliffy. Oh well, I'll make it up to you all with some detailed gore and some major drama/tragedy in the next chapter.

I don't know why, but I've listening to a lot of Hatsune Miku stuff while writing fanfiction. Isn't that a little bit odd, considering most of her stuff is fairly upbeat (and this story is so not upbeat)? Ah, whatever. :P

Oh, and just to let you know; I might extend this story to four chapters, just because I think things might be moving sort of quickly, but I'm not really sure. Nothing past four chapters though, 'kay? :)

Review please! I love my reviewers! :P


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Hey there, guys! Thanks SO much to my reviewers _LoveToTheCucumbe_r and _Lolzy33_! You're my motivation to update, I love you both (in a totally not creepy way xD)!

So here's teh third chapter, which is dedicated to LoveToTheCucumber, who not only reviewed last chapter, but the chapter before that too! Thank you so much! :)

Sorry, but this isn't the last chapter. I will answer a few of the questions you guys probably have though, so all is not totally lost. Next chapter will definitely be the end; I promise!

Oh, and just as a refresher, the chapter starts right after BB asks A if she's suicidal and she's about to answer him.

Song of the Chapter: Never Too Late, by Three Days Grace

Aside from that, I don't have much else to say, so on with the chapter!

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><p><strong>A's POV<strong>

I took in a huge breath of air, unsure of how to break it to him gently. Or should I break it to him at all? But he told me not to lie, so what should I do?

Still unsure of what to say, I began, "I. . ." yet ended up trailing off, crystal tears pooling in my eyelids. How could I lie to him?

Beyond reaches a long pale hand and grips one of my own, his crimson eyes gazing longingly into mine. His thin lips parted as he whispered shakily, "Please, A. . ."

I pressed my chapped lips together; it's all I can do to prevent myself from crying, or hugging him, or doing something that would only trouble both of us. In the end, I decided honesty wasn't to get me anywhere in this situation. I know he'll figure out I'm lying eventually, but at that moment, it's all I could do.

I was able to force a hushed whisper from my scarred throat, "Oh, Beyond, I couldn't ever do that. I'm just really upset, and I don't know what to do. Doing that won't solve anything, though." A tiny, sad smile shakily took form on BB's lips, and he pulled me close in a tight hug. I hadn't realized how much I missed this; I'd been avoiding him for such a long while. I drank in the scent of his crisp cotton shirt and wrapped my arms around him as well, sure that my face was red with embarrassment.

I wasn't able to see his face as he spoke, "A, I'm so glad to hear that. Please, _please_ don't ever do this again. It's too dangerous." I nodded into his shirt, and he pulled away. I wanted to reach out for him again, pull him close, feel the warmth of his body against mine, but if I truly was to commit suicide soon, that probably wasn't the best idea.

At that moment, my stomach grumbled, and a slow smile spread on BB's face. He grabbed my arm and murmured, "I got you lunch; let's eat together." I nodded and we both strode into my room to where my bed stood, two white trays of sandwiches placed on the wooden table beside it.

I grabbed a tray and sipped my bottle of water silently, keenly observing Beyond, memorizing his every action. Was I truly ready to let go of him? It was then that said teen interrupted my thoughts, "A, I don't think I can leave you alone after what I just saw. I'm skipping the rest of my classes today and staying here with you."

I ripped my eyes from his body, choosing to stare at my unappetizing ham sandwich instead. Apparently he didn't completely believe that I'm not suicidal. Then again, who can blame him? He just walked into quite the scene- a bloody razor in the sink; me curled up on the bathroom floor, a shaking, bloody mess. If he'd done that, I certainly wouldn't have left him soon afterwards. I probably would have stayed and comforted him, just like he did for me.

I simply nodded and responded, "Okay." Following my answer, we ate in silence.

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><p><strong>BB's POV<strong>

I didn't leave her alone until that night when I tucked her into bed and made her promise me she wouldn't do anything to hurt herself. Don't get me wrong, I was relieved to know she's not suicidal, and I really do believe she's not lying to me, but there's still a chance that she could hurt herself anyway.

Ever so carefully, I padded over to the door, careful not step on any of the squeaky floorboards. Then, I shut the white door and prayed to the deities that A wouldn't discover another way to cause herself harm. I made my way to the opposite wing where the boys' dorm was, entered my room and lay down on the tiny white cot, burrowing in the tattered comforter.

I can't stop thinking about her. Even when we're not in the same room, A's the one thing that occupies my mind. Now that I know she's unstable . . . God, what the hell would I do without her? She promised that she won't take her life, but can I really trust her word? I've never had to question her honesty; we've always been able to tell each other everything. She hasn't lied before though, so I suppose I should believe her word. A wouldn't lie about something so serious . . . would she?

My eyelids began to droop after that, and I turned my head to the window. Pale moonlight filtered through the screen and flowed onto the Oakwood floor beside my bed. That was the last thing I saw before I drifted off into sleep.

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><p><strong>A's POV<strong>

I waited until the door clicked shut to open my eyes. Then, after a few minutes of reassuring myself that he wasn't coming back, I sat up and removed the crumpled blanket from my body. My God, I'd laid there a long while before he left. At first I tried to take a nap as he sat there watching over me, but after about half an hour of wasted effort, I just stayed still and quietly begged he thought I was sleeping. Beyond did leave eventually, though it took a lot longer than I'd imagined.

I sighed, emotionally drained from our discussion. Now that he took away my razor I needed to find a different way out. Did I have a bottle of Tylenol or something? No, we had to go the nurse for that. Ugh, why did he have to make this so difficult? Beyond would never understand me. All this pressure . . . there's no cure for it, and there's only one way out! Why does it have to end like this? Why, oh why do I have to be so weak?

I took a moment and thought about Beyond Birthday. Would he be upset to see my lifeless body collapsed on the floor? That's a silly question; he'd probably be destroyed. I know I'd be devastated if he ever tried to take his own life, maybe I'd even be driven to suicide.

I shook my head in attempt to clear my mind; no, I couldn't think of B. It would only make the task at hand so much harder. At that thought, I wandered back into the bathroom. There had _something_ in here I could make of use . . . the toilet? Ew, no, drowning myself in a toilet would be degrading. The same goes to choking myself with a toothbrush; ugh, that just wouldn't do.

Thoroughly frustrated, I fisted a handful of dirty chestnut hair, and directed my gaze at the crystalline mirror, and then I had it. I knew exactly how I would exit the world. But I wouldn't do it just yet; I still had a few things to take care of. One of those things would be saying farewell to BB, of course indirectly though, to guarantee he couldn't fool with my plan. Then again, I was fairly certain I'd be able to execute my arrangement without much trouble. I wasn't ranked first in the house for nothing. . .

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><p><strong>AN**: I'm not quite sure if I'd call this a cliffhanger. Well, I guess it is, but only because you guys don't how A will commit suicide (if she's successful in her attempt, of course). Oh yeah, and there's always the possibility that BB will save her once again.

Okay, so next chapter will officially be the last, but I think I'll also have a short epilogue afterwards, just so you can see what happens in the end.

Thanks so much for reading; I'll love you FOREVER if you review! C'mon, you gotta admit that the new review button looks awfully attractive. . . ;)


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